18th Chapter
You have fled to Mesut.
Because your own apartment you just reminded of how Clemens has been standing at your door tonight. How cute he looked like something in your clothes too big.
How did it feel to wake up next to him.
to keep him in your arms.
And because you can not even crawl up in your own damn bed. Because Clemens' Odor still clings always remember something and you can not stand at the moment simply the best of intentions can.
And maybe you just need someone in which you now only time can really vomit. Someone who listens, agrees with you in the right places and giving you a hug if you do not want more talk or complain or you can continue.
someone who tells you that you've behaved well. And that you had absolutely right with what you said about Clemens.
Even if you know that it was only right and much needed, Clemens fiddle to the view - in this moment you have just heard that from someone else. Someone who can at least look at the whole thing reasonably objective.
Mesut And does you the favor. As befits a good - the best - friend now heard. He's just there for you to be that you are upset as long as you want.
just know when it's best to just keep even the face and to tell you simply. Even if you every now and then notice how difficult it is for Mesut, to let you actually talked out for now. to have come down
out a bit before his own opinion about the whole thing are the best.
Mesut But actually holds back time. And for that you value him at that moment even more.
Because you see and know how much Mesut pulls together for you. Because it really so totally not his nature is to keep his opinions to himself. And yet he does it.
Just for you. Because he now sometimes your best friend, and just about anything would do for you.
Only when you reach the end of your story for quite some time on idiotic, incompetent relationship, much too good-looking, blond defenders have scolded, and then ultimately a long while still in been Mesut living room, Mesut clears throat softly.
unusually slowly shook his head.
"Clemens really is a fucking idiot, you're right ..." he does to you then hesitates for a moment before he finally goes on talking, "... and if he really thinks that you want to get him into bed only, then it is not really helping ... "
surprised are you looking at Mesut. Because this is actually not really the reaction did you expect from Mesut. Perhaps you wanted or hoped for.
Even if you see that it is fairly applied and that your story has not just made sure his opinion on to improve Clemens missing because somehow the last conviction.
see you Mesut attention now. For you have the feeling that he is not finished with what he will tell you.
The "But" depends so much on the table, to keep it simply calling upon nuts. Him so want to move to continue speaking.
"... But", you'll help him finally to the jumps, as Mesut even after a long time yet makes no effort to speak further.
"... nothing but ..." shrugs, Mesut his shoulders, "... Clemens is now even an idiot, but that is now not necessarily big news, right? A guy who for months as Boro behind grieve, of whom he knows only that he wanted to fuck him, and then it suddenly it chooses to run away just like me anything you nothing to Munich with his family for a to make to heal the world .... I mean, who do such things can indeed be somewhere just a complete idiot, right? "
you sigh heavily as you hear it. And then have to grin but a little bit.
Because it sounds plausible, which says Mesut uttered them. And because Mesut logic normally is far from obvious.
In this case, however ...
"Well, even though I'm sorry to tell you that - after you've fallen in love with these idiots. And just the mere fact that you have been around for months over and over again trying with him ... you qualify for the title of at least ... let's say small ... Idiots ... "continues Mesut.
surprised you see Mesut now.
"And what do you say to me now - except that I'm an idiot," you finally ask yourself and you realize that you sound a bit but now snapped.
Because you have hoped for here in full support of your best friend. And you've got something to be presented differently than you here and now by Mesut also allowing describe as an idiot.
that you are the fact that you yourself already on the drive here often enough himself.
"Well, that saw her so that matter would again somehow fit together pretty well ..." grins Mesut now, however.
you only snort contemptuously.
"Pff, you know, so slow I really feel that I can do without it somehow ... I think it would be better than the best, I'd him to stop and forget to make me always so stupid hopes, "you mumble - and you can not deny that you are somehow feel a little better.
Definitely less agitated.
Even if you're still clearly upset with Clemens are and you still can not believe it really, really thought that Clemens has of you, you just wanted time with him to bed.
just damned idiot. Like Mesut said.
"Here am I now am but really n bit hard to believe you that you really want to do ... or can ... "grins Mesut now again," ... But now times in earnest. N is pretty strong piece of Clemens, because he has brought and was quite right that you give him time to think have gegeigt ... Maybe you have it done so, with him n some brain cells straighten again ... "
You nod, before you shrug your shoulders again.
Have not the slightest idea if you got through to Clemens are. On the other hand - if your site has only just failed to convince Clemens to the fact that you really and absolutely serious about it, then you can just leave it ultimately remain.
Because you will then create probably never easy, Clemens convinced of the sincerity of your intentions.
"It's always all the same ... with my luck has now long been used namely Boro his chance ..." prophezeist you now your worst fears.
to see, but now as Mesut wraps an arm around your shoulder. You press a moment in itself.
"If Clemens is so stupid in fact, he has earned you do not ..." he murmured softly in your ear.
And it does just well. It's good to hear that. And to know that Mesut it exactly mean it as he says.
* * *
you are lost for a while in silence - for the moment is to your own thoughts. Need not to speak too large.
would not change anything. Do you both.
And so it finally brings only the bells of the doorbell, the Mesut to dissolve back from you. From the couch to get up and go to the front door to see who bothers.
You breathe deeply, can you back a little deeper into the soft cushions of the sofa to fall. Close your eyes for a moment, you are driving down my face.
feel the exhaustion now more than ever. The spiritual as much as the physical.
This is the next moment, however, also blown away again like. Jerks you tear your eyes again.
Because you recognize the voice. And suddenly know who is standing there with Mesut at the door.
Are for a moment, torn. Do not know whether you should get up and go door to remain seated, or. Move up an inch at first.
pointedly, however, the ears.
Trying to listen to the conversation at the door. You manage well, so more or less.
The important thing you get in all cases.
"You have quite a nerve to show up here with me and just ask for Sebastian, Clemens ...", you recognize Mesut cold voice.
It sounds right here repellent. And you realize now but, as furious Mesut is really on Clemens, no matter how quiet he has just now also always responds. And he obviously does not intend to allow Clemens to you.
"I do not ... he is at home and on his cell phone he is not ...", say you hear Clemens.
course not. You have identified your mobile phone as well. After Clemens you the first time when he called you after the scene in the cabin, just pushed away got, you got it just issued.
Did not like and absolutely no need, right after talking to Clemens.
Do not know if this has been changed already.
"... Is Basti is here now," asks Clemens again. Sounds a touch worried, insecure and a bit desperate.
he has earned in your eyes, everything. And yet, your heart pulls together in this tone now, but painful. Can you just simply not in your skin. And can not stop so little feeling for Clemens.
Nevertheless, only times you'll be just sitting here. And listen more.
"Even if what a friend would I be if I would leave you now with him? Have you any idea what you've done with your completely idiotic question? You have it but not really all, Clemens ... "replies Mesut cutting.
just a real friend. And someone up for anything in the world wants to protect. You will spare further pain.
"I know ... I do. I ... you're right. That was ... I had never such a thing ... I know, the Basti never easy ... but I was scared, okay? I'm still ... "Clemens answered now - and thus also surprised you with its honesty.
"Nice excuse you because you've thought up ...", but Mesut only one unmoved reply on "... And as always you can push everything nice of Tim and that he has treated you so shit, is not it ...? Then tell me one time, Clemens - if Tim was so shitty to you - why you end that with him not finally once and for all? Or do you stand really just out to be fooled? Swallow "
you have when you hear Mesut harsh words. Can you imagine what must feel Mesut words for Clemens.
you stand silently So now it on. Creep up in the hallway. Careful not to cause any noise.
you're still undecided. Still not know whether you are ready now to talk to Clemens. He connect again over.
're also still damn angry with him. And hurt. About how he seems to think so little of you.
Before the last corner, which still separates you from Clemens' field of view, are you staying again.
"I condemned ... again, Meust, although I have a clue when it comes up all this at all ... but I ... I was with Tim, okay? I did ... after Basti is cut down, after he told me ... after he has made me realize that I am a complete idiot and that I must finally stop, it constantly be compared to Tim, because he truly , as Boro will ever be ... because ... because I have spoken with Tim. Finally. And finally I could. Because I knew at last what, you know? I ... that is with Boro over. Final. I got him back to his family sent. And he said to me damn it should finally be at rest, because ... because I do not use more of it and let kidding. And because I know ... that I have with Basti a future. And he's not yet able to break even ... "
You come with hardly at what Clemens said Mesut now with impressive speed.
But the main message you're strapped. Clemens has ended with Boro.
chose it. Against Boro. And for you. Seems at least Sun
But the expected happiness will be set with you somehow not right. everything feels really do not feel right. Not the way you thought it would feel like.
The great triumph is missing somehow. Also, if your heart is beating faster and you feel turned strange. Something is still missing.
"Mesut So please, I can perhaps now ... please ... finally Basti talk to? "Clemens now inviting.
Sounds by now really pleading. Pleading. And even a bit hopeless.
And you realize that you have got to decide now. Now that Clemens has finally made his choice.
Now it's up to you.
you do the last step so that you can now watch the scene at the door. See how Clemens eyes fall on you - see how feelings of guilt, relief, joy and uncertainty in a flurry Change over his face walking.
He opens his mouth without bringing out a sound.
Mesut also follows Clemens look, drive around to you.
looks up uncertainly. You will notice him, but no further.
Your look is still just at Clemens. The up still staring as if you were an apparition.
"You're right, Clemens. We should talk ... "do you think then - and nod towards the door, "... Let us turn out a round of talk ... and finally ..."
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